28 August 2017News, Videos

People come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most grow, if we let them and we help them in return, well I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m Who I am today because I knew you thank you.

You may not know that song I may have just sung, it unrecognizably apologize but it is a song from the Broadway show wicked and it’s sung as a duet between the good witch and the bad witch Elphaba because in this telling of the story the lines between good and bad are quite blurred and the rules are sometimes quite reversed and what I love about this song is that it’s about how we seemingly make these predestined soul contracts with people who come into and affect our lives by being a catalyst or a motivation for our change and our spiritual growth because not everyone is meant to stay in our lives and the heartbreak from their leaving can end up being the ultimate opportunity for transformational healing if we choose it and sort of a personality upgrade and also the acquiring of spiritual attributes that are born out of fighting our way back from emotional rock bottom.

Now we all know that there are two sides and two perspectives to every story and at some point or another we’re gonna end up being the bad guy in someone else’s story and I’m an adventurer to say that most people don’t set out to be the bad guy nor do they perceive themselves to be the bad guy so the spiritual attributes of empathy and forgiveness are key now the long the short of my story is that three years ago my eight-year run as an actress on CSI Miami, ended and not long after my marriage.

Now I feel like heartbreak has a universality to it because everyone has or will go through it or experience it in one way or another and for me it was an aching crippling grief and that panic induced regret for the things that I did do or I didn’t do her I should have done and it left me feeling like a gutted shell of myself somebody I didn’t even recognize anymore.

And I wish I could say that I saw it coming but I would have had to be open and aware for that and I wasn’t so I allowed myself to willingly wallow in all of those you know go to feelings of blame and victimization and rage and shame and obsession and regret and remorse and unforgiveness. Any of those sound familiar anyone just guessing I’m not alone and that of course followed by what seemed like months in the same sweats and like countless pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, none of which made me feel any better but I do think it was important for me to allow myself to feel all of those feelings because to selectively feel is
to selectively love and to selectively feel is to selectively forgive.

I also knew that if I allowed all of this mistrust and these negative feelings to rule me if this was the lens with which I viewed the world I wouldn’t be viewing the world as it is for all of its blessings and possibility and love and magic I would be viewing it as I was through this terribly stained glass, so when the going got tough I did what any rational person would do and I started praying like a maniac for the outcome that I wanted, but God was a tough parent and it was more like the universal law of tough love than the law of attraction and it took me a while to realize that life is not about having my immediate wishlist met because how would I change and grow and evolve and I came across this quote by the Dalai Lama that I would only lose if I lost the lesson okay so this was like a glimmer of hope I felt like okay I’m determined not to lose if I have to endure the seemingly endless heartbreak then by gum I’m gonna make transformational heartbreak, so I knew I was gonna have to instead of staying defensive I was going to need to get humble I was going to need to get vulnerable for this kind of work because heartbreak and the despair and the depression that come from it are not character flaws, they’re not weaknesses, the real weakness comes from the fear it’s the fear of looking at our suffering authentically and dealing with it wisely. So I knew I needed to take accountability and I was gonna have to start asking myself the tough important questions which were what is the meaning of this pain and what does it reveal to me and what steps did I need to take to start healing on a deeper level and when I started to open up instead of staying crouched in my, you know Ben and Jerry’s covered couch. I started being taught what to do next. Information and teachers started pouring into my life. That helped to guide me forward and baha’u’llah said “I have ordained for thy training every atom in existence and the essence of all created things” like for me I was like:

OMG the so we’re living in an earth that is like a human growth lab 101 because if I just started to listen with spiritual ears and be aware and observe I would be shown the way, and the way out of this pain there’s a fantastic photo that you may have seen circulating around the internet lately. I love this because to me it means that if our hands are full of what we think we need, and what we think is so important to us, then we don’t have hands-free for the greater gifts that God has waiting for us when we’re stripped away of these things that, yes they have real emotional value but they no longer serve our growth or our spiritual purpose. Then we have hands and arms free to receive the greater miracles that are born out of trials and tests. This is a shorter version by Abdul-Bahá. I will give you the longer version of this quote: “Tests are a means by which a soul is measured as to its fitness God knows its fitness before hand and also its unpreparedness but man with an ego would not believe himself unfit and less proof were given him otherwise. I love that and it is proven to him when he falls into tests and then the tests are continued until the soul realizes its own unfitness and then remorse and regret tend to root out the weakness. The same test comes again in greater degree until it is shown that a former weakness becomes a strength”.

I don’t know about you, but that scared me straight. I mean, literally. I was it was sanded like a divine attitude adjustment to me and I was determined to get to the bottom of my own character revision to try to avoid in any possible way the revisiting of these same kinds of tests, so it took a lot of work. I’m not gonna lie and commitment by through big epiphanies and beautiful breakthroughs and the sloughing off of layers and layers of self-limiting beliefs and patterns that I had that had been holding me back for so long and for so many years. I was able to truly connect to my spirit and to God again and the happy ending in the middle of my story is that through that connection to God and my spirit. I was also able to find authentic joy and peace, finally,and that in turn connected me to renewed passion. New purpose, new work, new love, and none of that would have been possible.

It couldn’t have even been possible if I hadn’t been stripped away of all the things I thought I needed now. Forgiveness played a pivotal role for me. I think that it’s easy to forget that forgiveness helps us sometimes more than it helps the people that we forgive.

A dear friend of mine used to always say unforgiveness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die, and that’s so true. For me forgiveness was the key to freedom because it was the true letting go of the past, so that I could live in and appreciate the present without contamination and constantly consciously choosing a new way of being and a new way of thinking.

Was like Dee fuzzing for me. It was taking old feelings off of new events, so that I could enter into new relationships feeling worthy and with an illumined. So I’m gonna ask you to do a little exercise with me. Normally this is a meditation, but you can do it with your eyes opened. And it’s a forgiveness meditation, so ask your heart right now to bring to mind someone that you still have a hard time forgiving and imagine them here with you and see them as this person that you made a soul contract with not as the human that they are with all their foibles and flaws and imperfections. But try to see them through God’s eyes and say to them now in your mind. I forgive you for all the things that you’ve done consciously or unconsciously to hurt offend or harm me in any way and allow that to land and now I want you to say please forgive me for anything I’ve done in retaliation or otherwise to hurt or harm or offend you consciously or unconsciously and allow that to land and then the bigger one allow yourself forgiveness and empathy. Take a moment to forgive yourself for all the things you are ashamed of ways that you behave that you’re not proud of not being compassionate or empathic to yourself all the way is consciously or unconsciously we’re cruel to ourselves for all the anger or rage or blame. Forgive yourself. And now hug this person and thank them for the gifts and send them on their way a forgiveness. Is rarely linear there are many levels to it and many times we have to do this exercise again and again but it is truly a tool and a key to breaking your spirit free to shine again.

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